How “Avatar XXX 3D” Got It Horribly Wrong

I just got the chance to watch Axel Braun’s “This Ain’t Avatar XXX” in actual 3D. I remember back a couple of months ago, when we were working on “Oral Servitude 3 in 3D”, I was talking to Mark Hamilton over at Pulse Distribution about other 3D Movies in the market, and he said “Hustler did one, but they fucked something up, and it didn’t work.” I’m pretty sure now, this is the ‘one’ he was talking about.

This isn’t going to be a diatribe against the ‘Porn Parody’. You either like them, or you don’t. It’s pretty much all ‘Porn Valley’ is fixated on right now, so I find a way to live with it.

The general idea of a ‘Porn Parody’ is to essentially tell the same story as the ‘Hollywood’ Source Material, but adding the fantasy element of explicit sex. If you watched “Avatar” and wondered what these blue chicks look like naked, you’re not alone.

And if you have this image in your head, then you certainly want to know what it looks like to bang it out with an Avatar. Maybe like this?

Or maybe like this?

There’s a surprising amount of graphic art on the internet that’s attempting to answer this question. Porn Director Axel Braun is not one to avoid anyone’s bandwagon, so he offers us his interpretation as well with “This Ain’t Avatar XXX”.

So clearly, right there… something is wrong.

Why are all the Avatar’s dicks NOT BLUE?

And if these things are 9 feet tall, then is that Human chick getting pounded back there ALSO 9 feet tall?

Of course, the entire ‘Porn World’ couldn’t wait to get in line to applaud this mess and the ‘Industry’ started piling up awards on Axel’s desk because well… I guess it’s “Hustler” and it’s considered in ‘bad taste’ to bash The Godfather.

Well, I’ve met Larry, and I’m pretty sure he can take a few honest criticisms from someone who desperately wanted to like this film.

Whatever. Axel Braun left his dignity in the backseat of his Bentley along with his talent. What is most disappointing about “This Ain’t Avatar XXX” is the 3D Version.

Braun spent more money on his set pieces than we spent on the entire production of both “Oral Servitude 3 in 3D” and the upcoming “MILF’s From The 3rd Dimension” combined.

So, how the fuck did he not have the resources to get the depth of field right so it didn’t turn out as a headache inducing blur of blues and pinks?

This is an example of one of the ‘effect’ shots where Evan Stone (in back) is trying to get his hand to ‘pop’ thru the front of the screen. If the depth of field wasn’t holding on Danica Dillan, it would have worked, and the viewer would have ducked to miss.

This is just one of many examples throughout the film of failed attempts at 3D trickery. Starting with the ‘Hustler’ logo at the beginning of the film, which was a complete blur.

It wasn’t  ALL unwatchable, there are a couple of scenes in which the 3D effect worked nicely.

They are so few and far between, that I have to assume that the shots came together by accident.

If you’re a fan of ‘Porn Parody’ you’ve probably already seen this. If not, you can check it out now at MarieMadisonVOD.com . We’re offering both the 3D and the ‘Standard’ Version.

- Mark